I received an old lady compliment today. And I didn’t mind!
For me, this is worth writing about.
Because old lady and compliment don’t often go together! (Not that I’m that old, thank you very much, but it’s all relative—)
I was waiting in Kaiser at the injection clinic to get my shingles shot and my flu shot. I’ve been stressing out about the shingles thing lately, ever since talking to a good friend who developed the rash on his scalp and thus didn’t see it for a long time, until the case became severe. He was out of work for months, had debilitating nerve pain, and all kinds of other symptoms and a year later, still has residual issues. Ever since talking to him about it, I’ve had an itchy scalp! I watched my mother go through a case of shingles when she was about my age in incredible discomfort. Of course, she doesn’t remember the pain being that bad, calling her case “mild” when I mentioned it to her recently. She’s 86 years old. She says the same thing about childbirth. Selective memory! “I just did what the doctor told me,” she says. Not very helpful to a daughter looking for some guidance.
Anyway, I was sitting there in the waiting area wondering what I was going to write about today for my 100 Day Challenge, looking through notes about different topics, when the woman who had checked me into the clinic walked by and stopped. She said, “Excuse me, I hope I’m not being too forward. I just wanted to tell you that when I checked you in, I couldn’t stop looking at you. You are so stunning. [or something equally flattering!] I had to look up your age on your chart. You look amazing and much younger than your age. I’m 43, and I hope I look like you when I’m 56. When will that be?” She stops to think about it “Thirteen years from now.”
“Thank you,” I replied, “I really appreciate it.”
And I did! In the past, this might’ve been a left-handed compliment. It’s always wonderful to be called attractive! But attractive FOR YOUR AGE? In a certain frame of mind, all you think about is the “for your age” part.
But I’ve recently moved on to another phase of womanhood, more at peace with being a woman in her late 50s. No one is ever going to ask me for my ID for alcohol ever again! The only heads I turn have gray hair. I can’t hide the veins on the backs of my hands. I have reading glasses at all times. And that’s okay.
It was a great compliment.
And I thought it was pretty cool coming from a 40-something. The last time I heard something like this was when my husband and I attended a Pentatonix concert at the Fox Theatre. I was very excited to see Pentatonix in person. At the end of the show, another concert-goer, a young woman who couldn’t have been more than 16 or 18 years old turned to us and said, “Oh my god, you two are SO cute. I hope I’m like you when I’m old.”
Yeah. That happened.
The second element of today’s experience at Kaiser that I really liked was that a stranger stopped to give me a compliment. And she really meant it. She seemed a little embarrassed by it but was inspired to say something. It made my day! I needed a little boost. It was a pay-it-forward kind of moment. I love that it came from another woman.
A third element was the context before all this happened. There was a dozen or so people spread out in the open waiting area in the Kaiser Fabiola building second floor, and there was a surprisingly friendly and helpful air. One lady, in her late 60s or early 70s asked another lady a question. Both answered each other amiably. I could hear a woman just inside the clinic compliment the desk person on being so polite and helpful. Another woman helped a blind person find her way to the elevator, while yet another held the helper’s place in line for her. The lady who first asked a question asked me the way to the exit and thanked me when I provided directions. And what did these polite people and good Samaritans have in common? All were “older” women.
Reaching this age can be challenging for women, and men too, but especially women in a society that emphasizes looks and beauty and is youth-loving, consumer-driven, and image-conscious. It can be hard to grow older sometimes, eye sight going, hearing too, wrinkles becoming more pronounced. Although I promised myself a long time ago that I would treasure the experience of living an entire life, including getting older. Georgia O’Keeffe had a beautiful face, like a landscape of stories.
Today reinforced that idea. Today, I belonged to a pretty fine club of women 55 and up. Not that all women at my age and older have the degree of thoughtfulness I experienced (Oh boy, no!), but at least for today, it felt pretty damn good to be a 56-year old woman!
Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash
Georgia O'Keeffe, Ghost Ranch House Patio, 1944 Maria Chabot CREDIT- Georgia O’Keeffe Museum/Gift of Maria Chabot